Short Nerd Chief

Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

Picture of the Day, Historical Cluelessness Division

Posted by Fred on April 18, 2008

I love this picture, supposedly from the San Francisco pro-Tibet demonstrations:


I don’t want to know the story behind it, nor the point they were trying to make (its author is either really subtle or really stupid). It just makes me laugh.

[via Reason’s Hit & Run]


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Happy April Fool’s Day, Google Style

Posted by Fred on April 1, 2008

If it’s April 1st, and my calendar says it is, then that means the web monkeys at Google have been busy creating I-really-wish-they-were-real services that will disappear tomorrow. Here are my personal faves:

From Gmail comes Custom Time, which uses an e-flux capacitor to send emails from the past. But only as far back as April 1, 2004, the day Gmail was launched, as after all,

You’ll only be able to send email back until April 1, 2004, the day we launched Gmail. If we were to let you send an email from Gmail before Gmail existed, well, that would be like hanging out with your parents before you were born — crazy talk.

<– Note the sleeping dude. Note the lovely pink hair.

Google Calendar brings you the Google Wake Up Kit, which I actually thought was real at first, as an SMS wake up message is kind of a good idea.  But then one gets to this description:

In combination with the kit, you can receive a new type of notification from Google Calendar, called the “wake up” notification. This notification is relentless in ensuring your timely awakening from restful slumber.

The “wake up” notification uses several progressively more annoying alerts to wake you up. First it will send an SMS message to your phone. If that fails, more coercive means will be used. The kit includes an industrial-sized bucket and is designed to be connected to your water main for automatic filling. In addition, a bed-flipping device is included for forceful removal from your sleeping quarters.


Google Talk says that on Earth Day, they will be converting all conversations to IM-speak, in order to save the 0.0000000000000000034 metric tons of CO2 released into the atmosphere by each character of a message. They also provide a conversion bot to let you practice.

My personal favorite, however, is Virgle, which Google and the Virgin Group describe as “a jointly owned and operated venture dedicated to the establishment of a human settlement on Mars.”  They have a web site, press release, FAQ and 100-year plan, culminating in the creation of Virgle City, projected to have a population of 100,000 by 2108. Fill out the application questionnaire and submit a video explaining why you should go to Mars.  Unfortunately, only the last bit is real.  The project will be Open Source, so the geeks will be happy:


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Really Bad Dad arrested for forcing son to wear Packers jersey

Posted by Fred on January 17, 2008


How much beer was involved in this story?

Upset that his 7-year-old son wouldn’t wear a Green Bay Packers jersey during the team’s playoff victory Saturday, a man restrained the boy for an hour with tape and taped the jersey onto him.

The boy refused to wear the jersey Saturday, when the Packers beat the Seattle Seahawks in a playoff game, [Sheriff’s Department Lt. Wayne] Smith said. Smith said the incident sounded strange when reported at first, but the mother took pictures with her cellphone and that type of evidence is difficult to dispute.

Dad ended up in jail because Mom ratted him out (which he fully deserved, of course).  What, pray tell, would he have done had the Packers lost? Maybe he should try to adopt this kid, who has worn his jersey every day since Christmas 2003.

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Fun with Google Calculator

Posted by Fred on January 14, 2008

According to Google, my height is 808,023,682 in farshimmelt potrzebie, a fictional unit of measurement created by Donald Knuth in issue 33 of Mad Magazine.  Similarly, I weigh 2,204 blintz (calculated, of course, using the standard definition of blintz as the mass of one ngogn of halavah).

Google calculator contains several other well-known gags for nerds. You can use Google to determine:

Or try the main Google page in Klingon, Hacker, Elmer Fudd or Bork, Bork, Bork!

[via Google Blogoscoped]

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The Road to Easy Street is KY-256

Posted by Fred on January 10, 2008

Inspired by this post at Google Blogoscoped, I had some fun with Google Maps.

It’s 1,013 miles from Purgatory to Heaven


…But only 928 miles from Purgatory to Hell:


Astronomers tell us that on average Venus is 75 million miles closer to the sun than Mars is.  But you can drive from Mars to Venus in less than two hours:


Lucifer’s fall covered 1,202 miles from Heaven to Earth:


Finally, do you need to find the road from Poverty to Easy Street? Look in McLean County, Kentucky (you won’t have to travel far)…


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Man teased for big, stupid tattoo of fake, dead gay guy

Posted by Fred on October 30, 2007

dumbledore_tat.jpgDon’t spend a year getting a 2 foot tattoo of a fictional character if it’s going to bother you if said fictional character turns out to be gay and in love with another fictional character

“When I walked in, one of the lads said, ‘Oi, Paul – heard about Dumbledore?’“There were wisecracks about ‘Watch your backs, lads.’ Someone asked me if I was planning to get a tattoo of Graham Norton. I thought, ‘Why me?’ ”

The huge £500 tattoo shows Dumbledore holding a scroll bearing the names of his Harry Potter mad children – Charlotte, Deanna, Brandon, Tamzin and Paris.

Paul said: “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Given that the tattoo took a year to create, one presumably can’t blame the beer. One does wonder, however, what they guy thought he would do ten years from now, when Dumbledore wouldn’t exactly be fresh. One also hopes the dude had some alcohol handy whilst reading the portions of the final book when it looked like D might not turn out to be such a good wizard (of course anyone who thought this idea was a good one probably doesn’t read much). Better to be gay than dark.

ico_shoutbox.gifvia Hit & Run

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Holiday Spam, in German

Posted by Fred on October 26, 2007

German spam looks funny. This is a message in my Gmail spam folder.


I don’t speak German, but that sure looks like an offer to sell Christmas trees, which is a first in my experience.

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Blogger Anagrams

Posted by Fred on October 25, 2007

Kottke links to some rude anagrams for “Ann Coulter”.  Fair enough – Coulter’s hard to take, and Jason clearly doesn’t like her (I don’t either, and I agree with her sometimes). But did you know that anagrams for Jason Kottke include “To Joke, Stank” and “Ask Ken to Jot”?  Here’s some more links:

For the record, my name yields the greatest anagram ever: Short Nerd Chief.

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Some people are just a little full of themselves

Posted by Fred on October 1, 2007

Seen at the intersection of Forest Ave and Three Chopt Rd on Friday afternoon:


And yes, the driver was a woman who appeared to be of child-rearing years.

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